The One Where I Almost Threw My Phone (But Found a Christmas Tree Instead)
And on Sunday, I woke up in the crappiest of moods. I had a terrible nightmare the night before, or was it the morning? The man next door was having one of his usual moaning sessions… with himself. Long story short, I did not sleep very well, and my mood was about as pleasant as a starving baby.
But as I walked to the bathroom to start my day, I remembered my boyfriend, and I had agreed to look for Christmas trees… TODAY!! I showered as fast as I could, without bothering to check if he remembered. I had just bought a new Jo Malone hair perfume, so I sprayed it like it wasn’t expensive. There’s nothing worse than using perfume and no one smelling it. What’s the point? Might as well not even shower.
I looked for my tights, searched for the skirt I thought about wearing—but it was dirty. I put on my gray tights and walked around the apartment, considering other options, only to find my boyfriend sitting on the couch, watching some football game (or was it baseball? Probably football, because it took what felt like an eternity for it to end). He was living my biggest nightmare… a football fan.
I was getting grumpier by the second—coffeeless, sleepless, and wearing only gray tights and a bra, holding onto a dirty skirt. I grabbed my phone to Google the closest Christmas tree place, but they all had “CLOSED” in red letters. Why would we want to go Christmas tree shopping a week before Thanksgiving?! I mean, who does that? I almost threw my phone out the window, but then realized all my windows are screened in, so I couldn’t. And so, I didn’t.
I thought my Sunday was heading straight into the Hollywood cracks of doom, and I was ready to give up—when I got a notification. From all my coffee drinking, it was time for me to get a FREE one! Suddenly, life made sense again. I found another skirt to wear, fixed my hair with a headband, and walked down the street to reclaim that precious cup of FREE coffee!
It’s funny how one good thing can change your entire perspective. As I sipped on my nice, sweet coffee, I decided to look again for Christmas tree lots. There had to be one! There’s no way we were the only ones wanting to buy a Christmas tree before Thanksgiving! This is an enormous city (LA), with way too many people—someone HAD to want to make money off of me. Someone had to.
And I was right. Not too far away, just a few minutes down the freeway past the extremely touristy mall, I found a Christmas tree lot! I got home and, thankfully, the nightmare was over. My boyfriend was almost ready to go! It’s unfair how quickly he can get ready and still look better than me. We drove down the freeway, passed the mall again, and found the Christmas tree lot with all its open aired splendor!
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I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to make my house smell like pine. I couldn’t wait to decorate and make my apartment feel Christmasy. We arrived not knowing exactly what we wanted, but I knew I needed a tall tree to balance out the high ceilings in our living room. We walked up and down the small, open-air store, with a man following us, helping us decide what would be best.
We settled on a 7’ tree—voluptuous, yes. Robust, yes! Smelling of pine, yes! Yes! Yes! The guy even gave us a discount! We bought canned snow and waited for the men to tie the tree to the top of my car. I clapped in excitement like a child. I was so happy. I had forgotten about the nightmare, the moaning neighbor, and every other little moment of grumpiness I’d had earlier. I was obsessed with my tree and couldn’t wait to put it up and decorate it just like I’d been dreaming.
Originally published November 2024
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